Thursday, November 25, 2004

This Ain't Beatrice's Nutkin. This Is Authority Overkill!

Where shall I begin? How about South Carolina? Yup! That's where this asinine epic all began. Barbara and Jean Gosselin were living a happy life in South Carolina when one day Barbara Gosselin came upon a tragic scene while strolling the fields and forests of her local area. It was in the early 1990s and Ms. Gosselin came upon the tragedy in the nick of time. It appeared a young squirrel had fallen from it's perch from a weathered tree of South Carolina.
Well Ms. Gosselin, being the fine person she is, retrieved the traumatised squirrel, took it home, nursed it back to health and named it. Also keeping the lucky fella who was now named Nutkin! A fine name given to him by his gaurdian angel.
The years went by and the Gosselin's and Nutkin were living a fine and happy life together. In 1994 the Gosselin's relocated to Schuylkill County in Pennsylvania. Little did they know Pennsylvania had a law outlawing "wild animals" as pets. Life went on, though, and the sun did shine.
Then danger approached the Gosselin Household. Someone was poaching deer right at their home! Right there in Schuykill Haven the Gosselin's found a dead, bullet ridden deer on their property! They did the right, safest thing to do when they called the Authorities to investigate and nab the perpertrator of this threat to human life. This occured in 2002. Eight years after the Gosselin's had settled in the fine Schuykill County.
A Game Officer arrived at the Gosselin residence and gathered all pertinent information and was shown the dead deer laying on their land. BUT...while investigating this illegal shooting the game officer noticed NUTKIN in his abode! Well let me tell you this changed everything. The game officer charged the Gosselin's with violating the ban on keeping wild animals as pets! Yes indeed-dee! And to hell with the poacher who was shooting large, furry deer near homes and humans!
Nutkin would have to go! Ahhh...But the Gosselin's were not a pushover. They retained a barrister. One named Dirk S. Berger who took the good fight all the way to the Superior Court! Hell, he had to, didn't he?
After battling for dear Nutkin for almost 2 years (Esquire Berger stated "two weeks short of two years."),who knows how much money in salaries, costs and time taken from people shooting things, Esquire Berger and the Gosselin's won their right to keep beautiful, loveable, saved-from-a-harrowing-fate NUTKIN the squirrel! Family pet and confidant.
Judge Joseph Hurdock layed out an ELEVEN PAGE Opinion recounting Nutkin's early years. Essentially ordering that since Nutkin was brought with the family from South Carolina, where there are no laws for domesticating wild animals, Nutkin could remain a pet and ALSO ordered the Gosselin's $100.00 fine and court costs be returned!
And that's the name of that tune.
Have a Merry Christmastime!


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